20 May Dealing With A Toxic Narcissist

Some people aren’t difficult, they’re downright destructive. Dealing with toxic narcissists makes you realize that they are a whole different breed all together. Selfish, manipulative, and extreme attention seeking is their MO. The usual relationship and interaction management tactics do not apply and in fact, usually makes their behaviors worse. For this essay, let’s break down how to deal with a toxic narcissist and how to spot their defcon 3 emotional assault on your peace.

Debating With Toxic Narcissists Is a Losing Battle

Debating with a toxic narcissist or trying to convince them of your point is about as effective as trying to get a girlfriend with fishing bait (pro tip: most girls don’t like fishing bait as a present). Not only are you wasting your time, but you’re feeding the narcissist’s addiction to drama and chaos.

Another point to remember that arguing with a narcissist is like bringing a baby to fight in a boxing match (don’t do this btw). The back and forth drama is something they are well versed in as it gives them the attention they crave. THAT is a narcissists goal when engaging with people, attention and your agitation. They are pro’s in this arena and you are probably ill equipped for their level of dysfunction. Proceed at your own caution.

Narcissists Crave Attention Because They Are Emotionally Damaged

A narcissist reminds me of a spoiled toddler whose only tactic for getting attention is creating mayhem. They scream, cry, hit and kick, and may break one or two of your favorite mugs because they got water instead of juice. Somewhere along the line, they learned that the only time their parents really paid attention to them was when they were acting up. So they continue with that behavior because it gets them the attention they want.

The same goes for narcissists and their craving for attention (usually the attention they didn’t get as a child). They will manipulate, act completely self-centered, have zero empathy for others, and have main character syndrome so strong that they are the star of a movie within a movie. Just like the spoiled toddler, they learned somewhere in childhood that acting out is how they get the attention they need, and so they carry that into adulthood causing the same chaos as the rogue demon child. These are emotional issues at their core and engaging with the narcissist in a word battle is not going to magically fix their emotional damage.

How To Win With A Narcissist

The real way to win with a narcissist is to simply not engage. Starve them of the thing they want most; attention. By depriving them of their addiction to attention, they soon realize that they can’t get what they want from you and move on to another victim. They will only engage with those who give the promise of time and attention at the expense of their own peace and wellbeing. They’re like leeches looking for a new host.

I won’t lie, I do get some kind of satisfaction from ignoring a toxic narcissist hard enough to make them doubt their own existence and watching them flip out, confused as to why I’m not giving the reaction they want. Not necessarily because I’m trying to be an a-hole and hurt them, but because they finally get the chance to meet a boundary they can’t cross and get to learn the concept of “No”.

Weapons Of Choice: Ignore, Detach, Disengage.

Another tactic to overcome narcissists is to ignore, detach, and disengage. This works well when you are forced to deal with them (family, work, school) and can’t just ignore them. Since they are looking for an emotional reaction from you, give none. Reply if necessary with short answers and no emotions attached. Display disinterest and quickly move on to something else you’re doing. Watch as they quickly become frustrated, bored, and move on to another leech host.

A narcissists weapon of choice is emotional manipulation, so when you detach yourself from emotion in the interaction, their main tool for chaos is useless. They’ll try every emotional trick in the book and every angle, but it won’t get a response because emotional chaos is all they know. It’s a lot like a child trying to get what they want from a mature adult, tantrum and all. Don’t engage with the emotions, detach from their drama, and do not let them steal your peace. They are the masters at emotional peace five finger discounts.

Don’t Be Their Next Victim

Remember, when it comes to toxic narcissists, no amount of logical debate will save you. They are in it for the emotional attention, not an improvement lecture, and your engagement in anyway gives them emotional attention they are seeking. Starve them of this attention with ignoring, detachment, or disengagement. While they will try many different tactics to elicit a response, they will fail and eventually move on to sucking the soul out of some other person who has yet to learn these skills. Don’t be their next victim.

GI Griffin is a brutally honest cultural commentator and author, founder of The Tribe Academy, and host of the GI SAID IT show where bold perspective meets unfiltered truth. Known for his no-BS insights on human behavior and modern culture, GI challenges conventional thinking, exposes uncomfortable truths, and delivers bold insights for independent minds. View his show & essays here, or subscribe to his FREE newsletter here.