08 Jul How INTJ’s Show Love

Ah, the age old how does the INTJ robot show love? “They don’t have feelings, they can’t show love.” Well, being an INTJ myself, I know this is further from the truth. Let’s take a look at how this Spock adjacent INTJ personality type prefers to show love and that they really do care.

It’s All About The Solutions Baby

Let’s get to the point, INTJ’s often show love by solving your problems. They see you’re in distress or worried about something, so in that logical brain of ours, the best thing we can do is to fix the problem. Perfect idea right? Well, turns out that people don’t always work this way. They aren’t always looking to have their problem solved and sometimes are just looking for someone to listen or hold them when they cry (quickest way to make me feel uncomfortable).

We approach situations logically, so from a logical stand point, if a problem is making you feel bad, then fixing it will make you feel better. This actually is a fair assessment, however sometimes we discount that others may not be able to move past the emotional aspect of the situation as quickly as we can. For some, the emotions need to be processed before they move forward. Unfortunately, it is a fallacy of forgetting that others don’t operate as we do.

Feeling Better vs Doing Better

A good example of how INTJ’s try to show love by solving your problem is the time I was proving consulting for an aspiring music artist. They were young and new to the music industry, so I figured I could help given my experience in that particular industry. They told me their strengths and weaknesses and I strategized a step by step plan for how they could be successful in the career path they wanted. I presented facts and the reality of the situation to best prepare them for what the industry is like. Quickly I saw that bright hopeful smile on their face fade. They were no longer hopeful and excited, but instead scared and feeling despair.

By providing a solution to their problem they wanted to overcome, I also squashed out the hope they had for their future in the industry. I quickly realized in actuality that what they were looking for was not a solution to achieve their goals, but instead, subconsciously they were looking to feel better and more hopeful about their situation via emotional support. It was not advice they were looking for, but instead encouragement.

Wrong Tool For The Wrong Job

This theme is one that INTJ’s encounter often. People coming to them looking to FEEL better instead of doing better. Wrong tool for the wrong job. We are natural problem solvers and will usually default to trying to fix your problem (except the ones who have worked to develop emotional maturity and intelligence of course). It would be like trying to come to your mechanic to provide marital therapy. “You just need a 3/4” socket wrench and some elbow grease and all will be well with your family.” Silly I know, but it’s the same equivalent.

As INTJ’s, we are good at improving things, often through innovative solutions. We approach the situation logically, analyze the variables, then strategize a plan on how to achieve the defined goal. We calculate like a computer, and computers are not the best at soothing emotional issues.

Leverage An INTJ’s Strengths

Because of this logical approach to someone feeling bad when they really just need support, we sometimes seem like we don’t care. In reality, this is further than the truth. We just have a more practical approach to showing it rather than an emotional one. Sometimes in an attempt to help, we can be called arrogant, condescending, cold, aloof, and that list goes on for miles. But there’s a misconception on both sides. On the INTJ side, making the assumption that what the person needs is a problem solved, and from the other person, assuming that the INTJ would be the candidate to go to for emotional support. Understanding of each other’s strengths and needs are what’s needed.

When placed in a situation in which the INTJ is well suited, they will thrive. Given a complex problem, a system that needs improving, or a strategy that needs to be developed, they will often excel past expectations. It is their comfort zone, their home, and is natural to them. This doesn’t mean that you can’t come to your INTJ significant other or family member when you need some support, but rather that you’ll receive better results when you come to them for what they are good at.

We Want To Give You What You Need

An INTJ personality type is not always the easiest to interact with. In some instances we can be cold, aloof, and ignore the impact of emotions. This is not done to be malicious, but rather our natural function of being. Instead of expecting INTJ’s to be overly empathetic support therapists, focus on using us for our strengths in problem solving and improving things. Recognize the time, effort, and energy we give in trying to solve your problem. It may not be important to you in that moment, but we do it because we know it will lead to a better situation for you which is really what we hope to provide. We don’t just want you to feel better for a second or two, we want you to do better in general so your life can be better in every aspect. This is how an INTJ shows love to those they care about.

The purpose of this GI SAID IT blog is simple, to provide perspective. GI delivers this unique perspective in a style that is unapologetically honest, straight to the point, and at times a bit brutal. GI SAID IT: Brutally honest, no BS. Click for more GI SAID IT shows and articles.