26 Jun More People Need To Say The Quiet Part Out Loud

I’m not a fan of holding your tongue to spare someone’s feelings; sometimes things need to be said so that it helps the person do better rather than FEEL better. Too many people hold back what should be said in an attempt to protect someone’s feelings, when in reality, they are preventing them from the opportunity to grow. The old timers know this better than anyone as most of them have no problem saying exactly what needs to be said. I think it’s about time that someone said that quiet part out loud for everybody to hear.

We’ve Lost Our Way

We’ve lost our way when it comes to open communication and being able to have a mature conversation. Too many people are scared of offending someone that they hold back things that very much need to be said for the benefit of that person or the group as a whole. You can see this most with our leaders and politicians. They will say what ever it takes to maintain their position, and this usually includes saying what ever you want to hear. They will promise you wealth, blame the current villain at the moment, and outright do a 180 on their position if it keeps them in power. This is not leadership, it is weakness. Only a weak person would do an about face on their very values just for power, money, and an ego stroke.

Leaders and politicians aren’t the only one’s I see exhibiting this sheepish behavior. Regular people do it on a day to day basis. Couples lying to each other to save face and blame, friends hyping you up knowing damn well that action is a terrible idea, and parents not telling their children the reality about life and their future. Everyone is trying to spare everyone’s feelings, and that is exactly why we are in the situation we are in. Everyone wants to feel better rather than do better.

Do Better

To do better takes courage. It takes an ability to look at a situation for what it is and the marbles to face it standing tall. To acknowledge the reality and still push through to make the best of it. I see this a lot in my consulting where the person is more concerned with not feeling insecure, that they will self destruct their business or life to avoid it, instead of facing the problem with maturity and dignity. I’ve never once seen those people succeed, ever.

Doing better means being able to look at your strengths and your faults and being honest about your abilities. Handing a kid a trophy for showing up does them a disservice for they no longer have an accurate perception of reality. You’re setting them up to fail and struggle in life. Sometimes, you need to be told you suck at something. This at least gives you the opportunity and choice to either A) Focus on getting better at it or B) Move on to something that you are good at. Everyone isn’t going to be great at everything; more importantly, NO, everyone shouldn’t be able to do everything. We function as a community, with each person being good at what they are good at. Everyone needs to play their role, and no everyone is not a good leader. Our current societal situation should make that glaringly apparent. Too many people trying to lead when it is not their skill to do it effectively.

Fear = Misery

We are missing useful perspectives on how to deal with or solve problems because people are too scared to say what they really think. You can see that with our climate scientists today who are often too scared to state the reality of our global situation for fear of being labeled a “doomer”. Too many times I have seen a problem that was apparent to a group of people, but they all rode along for the train wreck because no one had the courage to say something about it. Think about that, we have people willing to wreck themselves and others, just to save face. Being silent about a problem or reality helps no one, including yourself, because you’re still going to have to deal with the consequences.

This behavior is a function of human nature; to want to be liked and part of the group. No one wants to be ostracized and excluded. Natural herd mentality, as being separated from the group biologically equates to a lack of your ability to survive. So instead, people stay quiet, try to keep it as PC as possible, and hope that they don’t stand out as the black sheep. Instead of speaking up, they cower to stay safe and maintain the status quo. It’s a selfish move derived from selfish motivations with a purely selfish outcome. Real strength is being able to stand up for truth and say what is needed so everyone can do better and grow. Real strength is not being afraid to do what no one else is doing, because you know it needs to be done. We’re talking about adulting here.

The Good Ol’ Days

I miss the days where you could just be real with people and they wouldn’t be offended. When you could say the truth and they knew it was coming from a place of love and wanting to help, rather than a place of malice and jealousy. Gone are those days. It amazes me how sensitive we have gotten. But I say it’s time to get back to being real, if not for the sake of helping other’s come to terms with their reality, then for ourselves for not having a silent heart attack watching the world lose it from disillusion. It’s time to be honest with each other so we can all grow and do better. We need to let that quiet part out.

The purpose of this GI SAID IT blog is simple, to provide perspective. GI delivers this unique perspective in a style that is unapologetically honest, straight to the point, and at times a bit brutal. GI SAID IT: Brutally honest, no BS. Click for more GI SAID IT shows and articles.