28 Apr Saying Sorry Is Not Accountability

 

I’m sorry is one of those phrases that on the surface seems like the ultimate act of humility and love. And to an extent, it sometimes is, but how it’s used today is more of an excuse or avoidance tactic for having real accountability. Real accountability goes beyond saying “I’m sorry” and is a path to right a wrong in a tangible way, not just express an emotion temporarily. Real accountability is showing respect for others even when it hurts; not just because it’s the right thing to do, but also because the world isn’t all about you.

”I’m Sorry” & “I Apologize” Are Not Enough

People often have the incorrect assumption that just because they said I’m sorry that it magically made things all better. For those of us in reality, we know that this is not the case. How many times have you met someone who crosses the line or messes something up constantly, and instead of taking the time to correct that behavior, all they can give are a million and one “I’m sorry’s”. Like bro, I’m sorry isn’t going to fix my car that you crashed into the pond and I’m sorry isn’t going to put my arms back together after you got a little too excited with the wood axe.

What Exactly Is Accountability?

Accountability is simply being responsible for your actions. It is understanding that you made a mistake, admitting that you made a mistake, and making that wrong right. Let’s break this down further into 3 steps.

Step 1: Admit

The first step is half action and half state of being. It is first being humble and willing to admit you messed up. For many, even this first small step is near impossible as it is too much of a hit to their ego or insecurity. In this first step, this is where the words “I’m sorry” have their place and are appropriate. But the key is not to stop at step one as many do, but instead continue to the second step of accountability.

Step 2: A Promise To Rectify

The second step is to directly tell the person you wronged how you will make the situation right. This again takes humility, but it shows the person that you are willing to make amends and respect them enough to try to fix it. Key word here is respect as people who cannot take accountability for themselves also usually don’t respect others or their boundaries.

Step 3: Righting The Wrong

The third step is to actually take action in righting the wrong. Sounds simple, but how many people do yo know who promised they would do something, but never did? Too many to count. This step is about keeping your word and doing what you said you would. It may not be pleasant and it may not be easy (as fixing broken trust rarely is), but it is necessary for that balance of trust to be rebuilt. This is resetting the balance of that relationship so you both can move forward, and this is what accountability is all about.

Playing The Victim

One of my least favorite things is a person who plays the victim. This is a person who is almost incapable of being accountable, because playing the victim is the literal opposite of being accountable. You can easily spot when someone is playing the victim because they will be irrationally defensive, repeatedly give excuses, blame others, and do pretty much anything else other than be accountable. These are what I call problem people as they almost always cause emotional chaos or overstep boundaries, but it’s apparently never their fault. Avoid these people where possible.

What the role of playing the victim has to do with is protecting their ego. They are usually very insecure on the inside (even if they display ego on the outside) and they are employing a defense mechanism to protect their fragile sense of being. Being wrong to them is death to their ego and makes them feel less than and not good enough, so they push back by blaming others or giving a million and one justifications for why it’s not that big a deal that they did that wrong. These people have deeply seeded emotional issues (often stemming from childhood), and being accountable brings up those issues for them. Again, best course of action, avoid these people where possible as they are often quite destructive and emotional manipulation is their weapon of choice.

The Community’s Role In Accountability

Why is accountability so rare these days in society? Easy answer. A lot of accountability was nurtured by something that we no longer foster in our individualistic society… community. A lot of people may not remember, but it used to be more than just your parents that held you accountable. It was your parents, your family, your church, your neighbors, your teachers, and hell even your friends. The whole community was working together to make sure each member of that community was accountable for their actions. This not only produced order, but also built a strong bond between each member so that they could trust each other and look out for each other.

This type of community regulating has been thrown by the side in favor of individualism in a Me Me Me society. People don’t care about their neighbors or other members of the community in the same way anymore because now it’s all about what they want. It’s about them getting theirs, and too bad for everyone else or society as a whole. It’s hilarious that a society that promotes selfish endeavors can’t see how that very thing lead us to this crazy situation we’re in right now where everyone is helpless to change it since they no longer work together. This is the inevitable path of individualism, everyone suffering alone and no one taking accountability to fix it. The irony.

Words To The Wise

Point blank, accountability is about owning your sh-t. Own it, admit it, fix it. This is the system of trust that keeps a community or society functioning. Without it, it’s just a bunch of individuals not trusting each other and incapable of working together to make the change needed to survive. We’re talking about some of the basics of our very nature as humans, showing respect to others and caring enough to make sure your side of the street is clean. Let’s see what you do with this insight and how it changes your world, the move is yours.

GI Griffin is a brutally honest cultural commentator and author, founder of The Tribe Academy, and host of the GI SAID IT show where bold perspective meets unfiltered truth. Known for his no-BS insights on human behavior and modern culture, GI challenges conventional thinking, exposes uncomfortable truths, and delivers bold insights for independent minds. View his show & essays here, or subscribe to his FREE newsletter here.